First Time Around: Chapter 02

(Doug)

In which our hero eats lunch and receives mixed signals.

Some Wednesday, two years ago
It was between classes. There were a couple of minutes until English, and Mary and I were loitering in front of the room. I was staring at my feet, trying to think of some conversation starter.

"So... What did you write your book report on?" Mary asked.

My mind froze for a second and then I remembered.

"It's this book called, uh, Afterzen."

"What's that about?"

"There's this German guy... Or maybe he's Dutch, who can tell... And he becomes a Buddhist monk and eventually a master and the book's his sort of rise to enlightenment."

Mary laughed. I felt relieved for no real reason.

"You remind me a lot of my brother."

I froze. Alarms went off. The sky darkened and broke, shattering like shards of glass.

Just like her brother?

I don't know anything about relationships, but even I know that's not good.

Well, unless you live in Arkansas or someplace. Then it's a part of life. Nobody wants to go out with her brother! Well, some people do, but those aren't the sort of people I want to go out with. They tend to have too many teeth and not enough hygiene.

Just like her brother?

Well, that's it, man. You're done. Shot out of the water before you even dipped your oars in it.

Just like her brother?

The thoughts coursed through my mind like pike in a river, cold and fast. Not more than a second passed before I smiled weakly and said, "Is that so?"

Lunchtime, a few days later
Mary and I are eating lunch together, sitting on the grass, our backs up against a door. It had become something of a routine. I didn't know why or how it had happened, but I wasn't going to complain.

A kid walked up. I knew enough people's names by then to recognize him as Brad.

Brad was that kid who everyone hates. The kids who he usually hung out with constantly badmouthed him and the teachers watched him warily. He was annoying, hyperactive, and amazingly unfunny. He made me uncomfortable.

"So what," Brad asked, in that aren't-I-funny tone of voice, "you two are boyfriend and girlfriend now?" His hands made vaguely suggestive gestures.

I froze again, this time to watch Mary's reaction. I'd be damned if I was going to say anything to incriminate myself.

"No," she said. "I've got a boyfriend."

I nodded to myself. I thought so. She had made things pretty clear, hadn't she? Anyway, I had already assumed she did. She seemed like the kind.

"Oh, well, that's too bad," said Brad, and he wandered off.

We ate in silence for a few minutes. Well, silent except for chewing and so on.

Mary cleared her throat.

"You know... I don't really have a boyfriend."

What?

Dude, that's totally a sign! She told that guy she had one, but she told you that she didn't! You have a chance! Somehow, I don't know why!

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Then, like an idiot, I finished my lunch and said nothing more.

Dougie is going to start leaving off the "two years ago" thing, since it's all going to be two years ago for a while. He also hopes that you will learn from his mistakes.