The Everlast - Put It In Your Pocket #01

(B. Schatz)

The Everlast - Chapter 03 - Put It In Your Pocket
by B. Schatz

Back Here and Then.

At 6:59 p.m., the sky high above Here was filled with the warm glow of sunrays and giant, puffy white clouds. Every single day had little variation. Sure, when things seemed a bit dry, the clouds would immediately begin to turn into ominous shades of grey and expel water for a few hours, and for a few days around Christmas time, when the ground was supposed to be covered with a little bit of snow, the thick, white flakes would fall from the sky, but other than those few exceptions, Here remained quite bright and cheery from exactly seven in the morning, to six fifty-nine at night.

And then, night would fall.

For anyone who was visiting (or for that matter living) Here for the first time in their lives, it was quite an amazing sight. As soon as the clock struck seven p.m., the sky and clouds and sun and clouds would fade away inside of the course of five seconds, and in their place, a large yellow moon would appear and shining, majestic golden stars would dot the black sky.

This, was when the Starcrossers would start their work.

“Welcome to the Starship Hopeless Wonder,” an overly cheerful automated female voice greeted newly instated Starcrosser Chaucer as he set foot on the ship, “N. Consistency and Co. hope your stay will help you better appreciate your ability to exist.”

“Sounds like fun,” Chaucer muttered to himself.

“Making Everything a better place to live is always enjoyable, and you have the greatest job in the world!” the automated voice replied from somewhere above his head.

“Great. You can understand me.”

“I can also speak every single language recognized by the great people at N. Consistency and Co. and debate about the advantages of staving off mind-numbing depression!” it chimed.

“Which,” said a smiling man who strode towards Starcatcher Chaucer, “I hear, is an unfortunate pratfall in our profession, I’m afraid. Not that you were told that when you signed up for duty, I’m sure. The good old folks at N. Consistency and Co. tend to keep anything bad on the down low, so don’t be afraid if by the end of the year, you’ll feel the entire world crushing you very will to live.

“My name is Bill Shakespeare, and I’m the newly appointed Chief of Anomalies and Troublesome Events here at the Hopeless Wonder, but I’m not a huge fan of the whole hierarchy of titles thing, so… I’m going to pull rank here and tell you that you will be calling me Bill,” he continued, extending his hand in gratitude, “I’m also the reluctant but accommodating guide to new recruits. That last one is not an official position, however, it’s a job that needs to be done, and I am the only one here who has the cheerful disposition for it. Are you ready to get yourself acquainted with your home away from everyone and anyone who cares?”

“And you’re the happy one.”

“If you don’t count the computers, this is the best you’re going to do.”

“Sounds as if I’m going to be right at home here.”

“Grand, because it will be your home for a good portion of the year,” Bill smiled, leading Chaucer out of the entrance area and out into the first hallway in the ship, “New recruits are required to stay here for the entire year, your two weeks of vacation included. Yes, it defeats the whole purpose of ‘getting away from it all’, but N. Consistency and Co. are sticklers for rules when it comes to the new kids. What’s your name by the way? I was supposed to read the file on you, but my time is better spent doing things that don’t directly pertain to this job.”

“It’s Chaucer. Gregory Chaucer.”

“As in the Canterbury Tales?”

“Yeah, actually at the training academy, they used to call me Canterbury. I didn’t really care for that.”

“That’s clever,” Bill grinned, “Those new kids are clever. Canterbury. It’s catchy, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Actually-“

“As you were probably told and… as you can see, this place is quite sizable,” Bill interrupted and continued, “A necessity when you have to house as many people as we do here. Now, your room will be of standard issue. Bed, desk, closet, and a half bath. There are communal showers, kitchens, and gathering areas on every floor, and you can use them as much as you please, but keep in mind, they are shared facilities, and the other occupants can, may and almost definitely will be a little cranky, because this place tends to bring out the best in people, are you following?”

“Kind of, uh-“

“Now, right here,” Bill pointed as the hallway opened up into an expansive room filled with monitor, knobs, dials and widgets of many different sizes and styles, “Is where all the magic happens. As you know, being a Starcrosser has been deemed very important by those at N. Consistency, and is, quite possibly, more important than anyone around here could possibly imagine, however that will not be discussed any further, because the computers, they are always listening, isn’t that right?”

“We monitor your life so that N. Consistency and Co. can keep Everything happy and existent,” the happy automated voice chimed.

“And while that never ceases to be a pain in everyone’s backside, we all deal with the hand we are dealt, and do our jobs to the best of our abilities, which brings us to,” he paused at an empty work station and held out his hands, as if he were presenting it to an audience, “your work station.

“What we have here is, again, standard issue for the new kids. You will be assigned a specific area of the skies to watch, and ever star in that area will be your responsibility. If anyone approaches them, and is not riding inside an authorized N. Consistency and Co. issue Starcrosser transport ship, you will alert your superior. Now, since this is one of your only duties until trouble strikes, you will be incredibly bored, and while we frown upon any and all distractions,” Bill directed those words upwards towards the automated voice that was no doubt following them around, “We certainly won’t prevent you from doing what you will to maintain your sanity. Now. You look bored.”

“Actually, I’m just wondering where my room is.”

“All in good time, Canterbury, all in good time.”

“My name isn’t-“

“Now, beside your work station, is a prince of a guy,” Bill explained, wandering a bit to the left, “Been working here for years, and hasn’t let a thing get to him. Some say it’s because he has no emotions of his own, but I think it was because he was raised over There, rather than Here, and let the mundane crawl right into the folds of his mind and take over. Say hello, Fford.”

“That’s Fford with two ‘f’s,” the man stated mundanely.

“Fford here is our resident know it all. Anything in the Starcrosser’s Handbook is firmly planted in his memory. We sometimes test him because, like I said, we all get very, very bored,” Bill continued, “Want to take him for a test drive?”

“I-“

“Fford, give us the N. Consistency and Co. standard explanation of the importance of Stars,” Bill commanded jovially.

“Stars are one of the most important resources of keeping the balance of Everything intact. Also, it has been proven that the positioning and crossing of said stars help determine certain outcomes, which is why it is integral for them to be monitored closely for anomalies and troublesome events. Though one of the purest sources of The Sleeping Dust around, N. Consistancy and Co. chooses and refines only those stars that have been deemed repetitive and unessential to Everything’s assured existence.”

“See?” Bill grinned, “Word for soul sucking word. The man’s a charmer.”

Bill moved further to the left, “And right next to him, we have Starcrosser Ford, with one ‘f’. And yes, just so you know, I placed them beside each other purely for everyone’s continued entertainment. Say hello, Ford.”

“Word.”

“It should be noted that Ford is utterly and completely different from Fford, and has been responsible for most of the near catastrophes we’ve had up here.”

“Just doin’ my best to keep things interesting ‘round here,” Ford stated, spinning around in his chair.

“And we all appreciate it, now as for your quarters and when you start working-“

“Bill!” an angry cry arose from another part of the main control centre.

“Ah. Mr. Jonathan Gower, right on schedule,” Bill smiled, “I apologize in advance, but I may have to relinquish my duties as your shepherd, and leave you to your own devices: the man is a prime example of why everyone here drowns their sorrows at AlMega’s on a more-frequent-than nightly basis. You should be able to find someone around here to show you the ropes and John!” Bill remarked as Gower arrived, “Fancy meeting you here. I’m assuming this is about my promotion?”

“You mean my promotion,” Gower seethed, “And don’t call me John.”

“You know, I’d love to, but the newly instated Chief of Anomalies and Troublesome Events isn’t all that big on formalities,” Bill said, smiling calmly, “You know how it is. Now, if you’d like, we can surely discuss this matter further in my office…”

“Discuss this in your office. You know, you are a piece of work…”

The two began to argue using what Chaucer recognized was two completely different styles: Gower being consistently short and angry, while Bill seemed to use a consistently calm and happy tone for no matter what he was describing. He could easily see why the two had found conflict, as their personalities already seemed incompatible, and he had just arrived.

But that was the thing: he had just arrived and had no bearing as to which direction he was to go next. Thankfully, before Bill had left, he had imparted at least some information…

“Fford, would you happen to know where I can find out where I’ll be living, or… you know, what I’m supposed to do?”

“Damned if go to the I know office down the second where you need to and turn right at the do I look like and you should find yourself at your mother,” a jumbled reply melded together from both of the Starcrossers.

“…great I’ll just…” Chaucer pointed in the general direction of one of the hallways, before realizing that neither was paying any real attention to him, “Yeah, I think I’ll just go.”

He began his trek out of the room.

“Greatest first day ever.”